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While quantity may not have been this year’s strong suit, but it more than made up for it in terms of quality. Nearly half of the movie were certified as awesome, with fifteen total movies getting the “Great” stamp. Eleven were fun enough to warrant the “I like it” rating with a measly five Mehs and not one single full-blown haterade (though at least one had a couple handful of hatred thrown in). The total tally was 31 movies running at a steady pace of one movie per day.

Fortunately, the horror isn’t completely over. Last year I bought the entire Nightmare on Elm Street series and watched a couple per week to slowly ween myself off of this addictive genre. This year I’ve picked up all the Friday the 13th movies (or at least the first eight that have Deluxe Editions). November weekends are in for some bloodshed. I. Am. Excited.

Here’s a recap on everything that was watched for Horrorfest 2009 as well as my Top Ten at the bottom.

1. The Faculty (1998) – I like it
2. Near Dark (1997) – I like it
3. Nosferatu (1922) – Great
4. Zombieland (2009) – Great
5. Psycho (1960) – Great
6. Cube (1997) – Meh
7. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) – Great
8. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) – I like it
9. Trick ‘r Treat (2008) – Great
10. The Cottage (2008) – Great
11. Final Destination (2000) – I like it
12. I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) – I like it
13. REC (2007) – Great
14. Pet Sematary (1989) – Meh
15. Stephen King’s IT (1990) – I like it
16. Blade (1998) – I like it
17. Frankenstein (1931) – Meh
18. Paranormal Activity (2009) – Great
19. The Fog (1980) – I like it
20. The Blob (1958) – I like it
21. My Bloody Valentine (1981) – I like it
22. Slither (2006) – Great
23. The Hills Have Eyes (1977) – Meh
24. The Frighteners (1996) – I like it
25. The Hitcher (1986) – Great
26. The Birds (1963) – Great
27. The Omen (1976) – Great
28. The Fly (1986) – Great
29. Candyman (1992) – Meh
30. Child’s Play (1988) – I like it
31. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – Great
    

Top Ten Favorites

1. Trick ‘r Treat
2. Zombieland
3. The Fly
4. Paranormal Activity
5. The Hitcher
6. The Omen
7. Slither
8. Near Dark
9. Texas Chain Saw Massacre
10. The Cottage

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

The original Nightmare is my #1 favorite horror movie ever. I’ve seen it dozens of times and I’m more than slightly biased in its favor, so there’s not really a fair way to rank this with the number scale the rest of Horrorfest relies on.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Basic plot: Freddy Krueger haunts people in their dreams.

Scariness:

I love that the film consistently sticks to its rule that Freddy can only get you when you sleep, because that makes the necessity of sleep a terrifying annoyance. It also captures the horror of nightmares absolutely beautifully on more than one occasion from the teleporting bad-guy to the inability to f*cking run.

Acting:

You’ve got Johnny Depp’s first major film role, and an awesomely 80s cast filling out the rest of the roster. I also appreciated that Heather Langenkamp isn’t a stereotypical ridiculously hot heroine. She just looks like the girl next door, which is fitting since a standard American neighborhood serves as the film’s key setting.

Gore:

Slices and dices throughout, not to mention an insane amount of blood.

Gratuitous Nudity:

When a character falls asleep in a bathtub, Freddy pulls her into an endless abyss of water where she flails around struggling to surface – while naked obviously.

Soundtrack:

I love this soundtrack. Some of it feels straight out of an NES video game with its very own “OH NO THERE’S THE BAD GUY!” sting and the main theme is classic.

Overall: Great

Still my favorite horror movie ever. I wanted to end on a high note, and this was  the easiest way to ensure that. Next year there’s a definite possibility that Trick ‘r Treat might overtake Nightmare as my Horrorfest finale just because of how well it captures the Halloween spirit, but it’s going to take some time for anything to replace Nightmare’s special spot in my horror-loving heart.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

Child’s Play (1988)

Basic plot: A murderer transfers his soul into a doll (or something?)

Scariness: 1

Again, the plot involves a murderer’s mind inside of a toy doll.

Acting: 6

Cheesy 80s awesomeness.

Gore: 2

Chucky stabs some people and stuff, but I wouldn’t describe it as “gory”. Chucky also gets burned alive and shot to death, but seriously… it’s a doll.

Gratuitous Nudity: 0

I don’t remember any.

Soundtrack: 5

A series of stings with a generic score team up to match the absolute absurdity on the screen just nicely enough.

Overall: I like it

Child’s Play is stupid. Really, really stupid. But on that same note, I also thought it was hysterical how impossible it is to try to treat such a ridiculously retarded plot with any sense of terror at all. Tag on FOUR “endings” and you’ve got yourself a good time with a bad movie. I wanted something full of 80s cheese, and that’s exactly what Child’s Play delivered.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

Candyman (1992)

Basic plot: An urban legend haunts a woman studying urban legends.

Spoilers ahead.

Scariness: 3

At the beginning of the film, I didn’t know whether the Candyman was “real” or if it was a copycat killer, but either way if there’s one thing I DO have a fear of, it’s humans that murder other humans because that shit absolutely exists. About a third of the way through the movie it becomes pretty obvious that the lead character is just imagining everything and killing people herself. The way it plays, I think it’s supposed to be some major reveal at the end, but you always knew it was either that or this guy was just some sort of non-sensical ghost and either one completely killed the scariness for me.

Acting: 4

It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t particularly good either. The “killer” is also insanely boring.

Gore: 3

Because the kills are either done by a ghost or our heroine (Tyler Durden style!), they’re all either offscreen or aftermath shots to try desperately to set-up a surprise that you can assume is coming after about thirty minutes.

Gratuitous Nudity: 5

Lots of side boob and the biggest nipples in the goddamn universe.

Soundtrack: ??

Okay, this category confuses me because the score is by Phillip Glass and it sounds awesome. The problem is that it doesn’t remotely match the tone of the movie. This is a movie about a serial killer in the ghetto in the early 90s, and the score makes it sounds like it’s trying to be the next Omen or Exorcist – which it is not at all. The problem is, I feel like this mismatched score almost completely ruined the movie for me just because it made everything feel so much more serious than it had any right being. This is a standard horror movie yet the score is treating it like it deserves Oscar nominations. The horrible mismatch didn’t work at all for me.

Overall: Meh

Hate is a strong word, but I wasn’t a fan. If the movie had taken itself less seriously, I probably would’ve enjoyed it more despite the dull villain. I wouldn’t try to return it if someone gave it to me as a gift, but you’ve gotta take that with a grain of salt because I also own movies like National Treasure 2 and Shrek 3 thanks to that same logic.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

The Fly (1986)

Basic plot: A scientist accidentally becomes genetically spliced with a fly.

OR

What if Spider-Man was totally gross?

Scariness: 5

That may seem like a high rating given the subject matter, but I’m going to blame the vast majority of that on VH1’s I Love 80s. There’s one particular scene where the super-powered, mostly-human Jeff Goldblum arm-wrestles someone and the result isn’t pretty. On I Love the 80s they were kind enough to cover the shock-moment with heart icons, but it was enough to scare me about what might be underneath them. When I saw the scene in its full glory it didn’t disappoint. There were also one or two jump scenes that caught me off guard.

Acting: 11

Do you know who Jeff Goldblum is? He’s one of the holy trinity of the posterboys for awesomeness (also including Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman). Jeff Goldblum starring would’ve easily earned this movie a ten from me on its own, but the rest of the cast fits their roles perfectly, and the make-up effects are incredible, so extra credit!

Gore: 10

This might be the most disgusting movie I’ve seen. As Goldblum slows morphs into Brendlefly he gets more and more nasty as random body parts start falling off. Then, of course, there’s the arm-wrestling scene I mentioned earlier, plus the fly’s acidic white vomit cream has some incredibly painful looking results.

Gratuitous Nudity: 1

A girl is sitting on a chair wearing only a denim jacket, and there are a number of sex scenes that don’t show much of anything.

Soundtrack: 10

It’s epic. During the film’s finale, I thought the style sounded unusually familiar and a little research afterwards revealed it was by Howard Shore, who scored The Lord of the Rings and King Kong. He does a great job here.

Overall: Great

I loved every single second of this movie. It’s disgustingly hilarious and it’s got Jeff f*cking Goldblum. Everybody wins! Except squeamish people. I really need to buy the 2-Disc Special Edition sometime.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

The Omen (1976)

Basic plot: A couple raises the son of Satan.

Scariness: 2

Much like several of the other fears I’ve denied this month, a fear of the Antichrist is not something that keeps me up at night. The movie makes great use of the fact that damn near everybody (including animals) would have good reason to fear if it were around, but I don’t exactly walk around glaring at toddlers, wondering if I’ve just witnessed Satan’s spawn.

Acting: 10

On a technical level, this is easily one of the best films I’ve watched this month. Gregory Peck, Lee Remick, and David Warner all give excellent performances but are slightly outshined by Billie Whitelaw who plays Satan’s personally assigned nanny to the child. Another helpful factor to the acting is that Richard Donner made the brilliant decision to have the child speak as little as possible. The boy’s silence seems far more evil than even the greatest child actor could have pulled off with words.

Gore: 5

Most of the gore is pretty tame (despite the resulting deaths), but this movie gets big props for one of the coolest decapitations I’ve ever seen. Even without the gore, it’s safe to say that most of the kills will stick with you.

Gratuitous Nudity: 0

This year might very well be the last year this category sees the light of day during Horrorfest.

Soundtrack: 10

The score was good enough to win an Academy Award, and after hearing it, it’s easy to understand why.

Overall: Great

As I said, this is by far one of the best movies of this year’s Horrorfest from a technical standpoint. Running one hour and fifty minutes it’s also one of the longest entries this year, but it never got boring. It’s a great film and one that I’ll most certainly own someday.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

The Birds (1963)

Basic plot: Birds are crazy.

Scariness: 6

I don’t walk around quivering in fear from birds, but do they creep me out? Definitely. Nothing about birds seems trust-worthy. Their eyes are lifeless, they’re far from cuddly, their feet and faces are tipped with spikes – nothing about birds would make me ever want to be closer to them than I have to be. In The Birds, Alfred Hitchcock takes that distrust and magnifies it as fully as possible.

Acting: 6

Most of the performances are cheesy 60s goodness, but the little girl in this is absolutely terrible.

Gore: 3

You see the aftermath of a dead man whose eyes had been gouged out during a bird attack. Everything else is just a series of cuts and scrapes.

Gratuitous Nudity: 0

Welcome to 1963.

Soundtrack: 7

I don’t really remember much music, but what I DO remember is the sounds of the birds squawking. I can’t decide if it was more obnoxious or scary, but at the very least it’ll stick with you.

Overall: Great

I’d say Hitchcock’s The Birds has been on my to-do list for the majority of my life. For whatever reason, I’m a huge fan of movies where animals kill people -  from the brilliant (Jaws) to the intentionally bad (Snakes on a Plane). The Birds’ two hour runtime seems a little extravagant, but there were far too many excellent scenes to pave the way for animals-gone-crazy movies to come for that runtime to put much of a dent in my enjoyment. The brilliant imagery, in particular, given throughout the film as the birds gather on various structures is impossible to forget. I know Universal has been trying to plan a remake for a few years now, and with today’s special effects I’m sure they could go crazy with the idea. However, I’m not sure if anything could ever compare to the real things. The lack of special effects in 1963 meant they had to get creative and it worked incredibly well. I’m a big fan and happy to own it.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

The Hitcher (1986)

Basic plot: Don’t pick up hitchhikers.

Scariness: 7

Most of those points are for the incredibly tense opening scene. This movie is a perfect example of why I’ll never pick up hitchhikers just because you never know if they might just be out of their goddamned minds (also see: Texas Chain Saw Massacre). Granted, that same attitude also makes this an extremely avoidable issue (much like how my refusal to enter the ocean will eternally ensure I have a 0% chance of being attacked by a shark rather than a 0.000001% chance), so the scariness issue can be taken with a grain of salt. This could easily never ever ever be a remote issue for anyone that doesn’t pick up hitchhikers.

Acting: 7

Ponyboy (C. Thomas Howell) takes his place behind the wheel as the hitcher’s obsession and the hitcher himself is creepy as all hell. The story might be completely and utterly ridiculous when it comes to how far the hitcher takes things, but that’s what makes it awesome.

Gore: 2

Most of the “gore” is either aftermath, gunshot wounds, or never seen at all due to cut-aways.

Gratuitous Nudity: 0

Nope.

Soundtrack: 5

Pretty generic stuff that does what it needs to do.

Overall: Great

I loved this movie. It’s just so absurd I can’t help it. With a seemingly omniscient, omnipresent villain that takes more hits than Jason Vorhees to keep down, it was everything I wanted it to be: a stupid, insanely fun horror-thriller. If they’d remaster the DVD, I’d pick it up in a heartbeat, but unfortunately the only version of it that exists appears to be taken straight from a VHS. The transfer might be one of the worst I’ve ever seen, but the movie is still incredibly entertaining anyway.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

The Frighteners (1996)

Basic plot: Ghosts are haunting people.

Scariness: 1

As I mentioned with Paranormal Activity, I don’t believe in ghosts. The Frighteners doesn’t even try to take them that seriously, and as a result is about as frightening as Ghostbusters.

Acting: 8

Michael J. Fox is single-handedly responsible for about seven of those points. The rest of the cast is good, but it’s hard to beat out Marty McFly.

Gore: 4

If you’ve seen Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive then it’s obvious how much more toned down his gore-loving is here. Some of the ghosts get mutilated, but most of it’s cartoony and fun.

Gratuitous Nudity: 0

I really can’t figure out why this is rated R.

Soundtrack: 10

Danny Elfman rules.

Overall: I like it

Peter Jackson knows what he’s doing behind the camera. The movie has a lot of funny moments mixed in with cool special effects and an interesting story. One particular character could’ve been completely left out and this might’ve gotten a “Great” but it wore out its welcome by about ten or fifteen minutes for me. Still a good film that I wouldn’t mind owning.

Horrorfest is a 31 day event throughout the entire month of October. More details here.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

Basic plot: After a family’s car breaks down in the desert, they are hunted by inbred cannibals.

Scariness: 3

It was hard to not constantly compare this to Texas Chain Saw Massacre from the moment the grainy footage popped up on the screen. The difference is that Texas got crazy WAY faster and maintained that intensity nearly the entire runtime as it picked off its characters one by one. Hills kills a few people at once with one or two exciting scenes, and that’s about it.

Acting: 4

It wasn’t terrible and I feel like I should at least give the weird looking bald guy credit for being weird looking and bald, but nothing about this movie really excited me.

Gore: 4

Most of the kills against the protagonists are boring gunshot wounds. There’s a scene where a dog tears up a guy’s ankle that looked kinda gross, but that’s as bad as it gets.

Gratuitous Nudity: 0

A couple has sex in the backseat of a car, but you don’t see anything.

Soundtrack: 7

The score is very Planet of the Apes-esque and if you know me you should know that’s enough to get it a couple points.

Overall: Meh

I can’t quite bring myself to hate this because it’s considered a classic horror film, but it really didn’t do anything for me at all. I thought the first 45 minutes were incredibly boring and the last 45 weren’t nearly interesting enough to make up for it. I’m huge, huge fan of Wes Craven’s Nightmare on Elm Street, but based on his earlier work (this and Last House on the Left), he got a lot better once he got slightly more polishable budgets behind him. Needless to say, I wasn’t a fan of The Hills Have Eyes.